Well, today is my final consult before my insurance paperwork is submitted... I'm so nervous.
I really appreciate you all & your words of encouragement... Especially today. I've not been nervous up 'til now!
My parents are visiting & are coming to this appt with me. I hope that'll be okay with my doc.
Mostly, I'm worried about my weigh in. I haven't eaten a thing today, & am wearing the lightest clothes I think I own in the hopes that it'll show SOME loss!!! I don't want remedial dietician visits!!!
So, fellow bandsters & bandsters-to-be (like me, hopefully)... Please pray that my appt goes well & that my insurance gets approved, PLEASE!!!
Last Friday was a monumental one for many. Even me.
I've been PSYCHED. Both literally, and...well... literally.
I had my last before-the-preop insurance-mandated appointment:
my psych consult. (Da-da-da!!!)
It went brilliantly! The dude was casual, easy-going, relatable, & we discovered we attend the same church (an awesome one, I might add)! It felt more like we carried on a casual, "getting-to-know-you" conversation, which wasn't one sided. Then he took a detailed family tree & went over a general checklist of questions. Looking for support system issues, I suppose. I didn't have to sit on a smarmy couch & tell my deepest, darkest secrets... of which I don't truly have any (that he knows of... Ha!).
But seriously, my issues with food & weight have nothing to do with any repressed issues. I'm fat because I like food. Apparently more than I like myself. That's about to change!!!
But I'm also PSYCHED because the Winter Olympics kicked off last Friday! British Columbia, Canada (& for a handful of years, Vancouver) were home to me for a good part of my life. It's been exhilarating & bittersweet watching the coverage, seeing the sights, sounds, & electricity surrounding Vancouver. I SO wish I could be there. I'm living vicariously through my brother & friends, some who live there & some who are visiting for the festivities.
We, in the US, are shut out of Canadian broadcasting stations, but I was hoping that would lift for the Games. Sadly, it hasn't. So, I've been relying on NBC & affiliate coverage of my homeland's hosting of my favourite Olympics. It's not that NBC doesn't have good coverage, truly, but it's all surrounding the US perspective, of course. I'm missing the Canadian athlete profiles & coverage. I'm rooting for my homeland & the US somewhat interchangeably. I want the US to do well, & love the athletes. (SOOO glad Evan Lysacek kicked arrogant Plushenko's bum in men's skating.)
But when Canada wins a medal, especially a gold, well... my neighbours can probably hear the hooting & hollering and my facebook & twitter accounts light up like a Vegas show!
And there isn't a sport in the Winter Os I don't LOVE watching. Seriously.
I'll give it to NBC, & specifically Tom Brokaw, though. The short piece of journalism that aired just prior to the start of the Opening Ceremonies was poignant & reverent to introduce Canada to a US audience, & the sportscasters have been very gracious about the coverage of Canadian culture & history. As a dislocated Canuck, I'm very appreciative & overjoyed that other nations are getting to witness the beauty & diversity of the land that I love!
This week has been a LONG one... Started with a dietician appointment in which I'd lost ONE stinkin' pound. ONE!? Okay, it's time to get down to business here. I mean, if I didn't have a problem I wouldn't be contemplating this surgery, right? But still... I need to get serious about being healthy. The band will be my friend. But friends only stick around as long as you're good to them! Time to get out & buy some new tools to help me, like my friend Camille.
Speaking of Camille, it's her birthday today! Happy Birthday, my friend!!! And, since we're eating more "sensibly," I got you a virtual cake too. I thought of you the second I saw it:
Perhaps, someday (sigh), I'll be wearing shoes like that again. Right now, they'd be sure-fired tools towards my demise...
Speaking of demise, I have my psych consult TOMORROW! I finally made the appointment. Let's just say, I'm excited to get this one over with! He might find me crazier than a loon, but it'll be one more step along this journey.
More to come... but I must drag my bum into the shower & ready myself for a Thursday at work that looks sure to kill me. Sooo many surgeries... aaaarrrgghhhh!
At the prodding of my fellow secret band society (secret for now), I am starting a new blog to track my progress during this venture of (hopeful) liberation. Hence the name of the blog.
Liberation from what? From the me that is so NOT me, & hasn't been me. Not for a long, long time. The me that I am, the angry, unhappy me... the withdrawn me... is tired. Sick. Fed up with being me. Oh, don't worry. Not fed up in the sense of despair. Quite the opposite.
The me that I am is mounting a coup. She is anxious to be another me. Glimpses of the past, sure... but not unrealistically wanting to regain my misspent youth. Forging ahead to become the me that I've always known I SHOULD be, could be again. If only.
The "if onlys" are the guilt, the blame. If only... ...I was stronger ...I was steadfast ...I had some semblance of willpower ...I wasn't so emotional ...I didn't hate the gym so damn much!
I could go on... & on...
But I won't. The me that I am to become is not going to berate myself anymore for my shortcomings & failures. Yeah right. She's going to try not to do that.
While she's at it, she's not going to talk about herself in the 3rd person anymore either. Deranged AND fat is not what I where I want to start off. Okay, let's not bring my OCD into this.
So, anyhow... here I am, warts & all. SO ready for a change. Laying siege to the self-condemnation. On the cusp of a whole new me. CHARGE!!!
