At the prodding of my fellow secret band society (secret for now), I am starting a new blog to track my progress during this venture of (hopeful) liberation. Hence the name of the blog.
Liberation from what? From the me that is so NOT me, & hasn't been me. Not for a long, long time. The me that I am, the angry, unhappy me... the withdrawn me... is tired. Sick. Fed up with being me. Oh, don't worry. Not fed up in the sense of despair.
Quite the opposite.
The me that I am is mounting a coup. She is anxious to be another me. Glimpses of the past, sure... but not unrealistically wanting to regain my misspent youth. Forging ahead to become the me that I've always known I SHOULD be, could be again. If only.
The "if onlys" are the guilt, the blame. If only...
...I was stronger
...I was steadfast
...I had some semblance of willpower
...I wasn't so emotional
...I didn't hate the gym so damn much!
I could go on... & on...
But I won't. The me that I am to become is not going to berate myself anymore for my shortcomings & failures. Yeah right. She's going to try not to do that.
While she's at it, she's not going to talk about herself in the 3rd person anymore either. Deranged AND fat is not what I where I want to start off. Okay, let's not bring my OCD into this.
So, anyhow... here I am, warts & all. SO ready for a change. Laying siege to the self-condemnation. On the cusp of a whole new me. CHARGE!!!